my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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