He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
