Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize