Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Small penises have feelings too.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
