You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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