its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
