I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
