Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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