I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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