so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
