Jerry, you need to find god
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
