Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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