is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did i just pee glitter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize