Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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