What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
