he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
