More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
