how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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