i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
