I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
