I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
