i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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