I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
