Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
