She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A+ Viking dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
