I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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