I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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