so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
