I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
