Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize