You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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