I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she told me i tasted like america
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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