mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a search helicopter?!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
