I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
