...so i touched it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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