I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
