I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
