He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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