I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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