i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
