I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
