just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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