You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You smell like stripper and shame
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize