He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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