DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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