so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
