when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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