I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
