The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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