Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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