the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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