This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ok first of all what the fuck
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
