very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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