Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
