Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
