OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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