OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize