What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
