Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize