You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
