I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
