Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
id be glad to
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
