This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
