OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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