Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
