Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
