We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
