coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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