why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize