we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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