weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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