new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
