I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
