Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
