Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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