Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there was a trapeze. enough said
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
