I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
