she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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