ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
