That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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