I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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