You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You are the jesus of drinking
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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