Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize