he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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