Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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