Don't you send me to vm
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
